As a mom of two (a five year old boy and a two year old girl) I know that by the end of the day my energy is low. Working full time, taking care of the kids, cooking, and keeping the house clean leaves me feeling like I just want to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. However, with young children, the focus needs to be on them and building a positive relationship.
Addressing Negative Behaviors
Oftentimes, we notice the bad behaviors that kids are engaging in and we address those. Addressing negative behaviors is necessary to teach children right from wrong. Unfortunately, sometimes we only focus on the bad behaviors and this leads to negative relationships with our children. Addressing negative behaviors is part of parenting, however, positive interactions with children should highly outweigh negative interactions.
Positive Praise for Desired Behaviors
As parents and caregivers, we need to pay attention to the behaviors we want to see more of and provide positive praise. Research in the field of ABA supports that when we pay attention to the positive behaviors, then they will maintain and even increase. When the positive actions are ignored, those actions are likely to decrease or stop completely.
Positive Interactions
Positive interactions can be as simple as giving kids attention by sitting next to them and asking about their day. Having conversations about what interests they have can contribute to building a relationship. Participating in activities that they enjoy also help foster positive relationships. Activities can range from coloring to playing sports together. Anything your child enjoys doing is a great start. Children can even teach their parents a new skill.
Modeling Desired Behavior
It is recommended to model the desired behavior with your child as well as other adults. Remaining calm, using an appropriate tone, being helpful and kind are some examples that we want to model for our children. It is true that children learn directly from watching those family members and caregivers that are in their life. Be sure to model those actions daily that you want to see from your child.
Self Reflection
As parents/caregivers, we need to do some self reflection. Do I yell frequently? Am I modeling the best behavior for my child? Do I spend quality time with them? Is positive praise and recognition provided when they do something right? By honestly addressing these questions we can determine if we have a positive relationship with our child. If the answer is yes…then great! Continue to work on improving that relationship. If the answer is no, then start working on creating a positive relationship today. It is never too late to improve your relationship with your child by providing positive interactions and spending quality time together.